I honestly don’t know what to write for my 3rd post. So many things I want to share – parenting, party planning, money matters, health & wellness, baby poop haha! But for now I will settle with baby blues and PPD.
What are baby blues?
Just a few days after giving birth, you may feel moody, weepy and irritable. This is called the baby blues. It’s probably the last thing you expected to feel after the joy and elation of having your baby. The baby blues are so common that they are considered to be normal. As many as eight in 10 mums experience some changes in their mood after giving birth. You may feel:
- worried about your baby’s health, even though he’s fine
- unable to concentrate
- tired, yet unable to sleep
- tearful, without knowing why
Reference: Baby Centre (www.babycentre.co.uk)
The reality of parenthood had started to sink in when I left the hospital. My first 2 weeks at home was kasumpa-sumpa. Sorry for the term but it wasn’t all exciting, happy-happy, cuddle-cuddle moments like the ones you see in the movies. It was terrible, at least for me! I never felt so tired my whole life! My incision was f*ckin painful I couldn’t laugh, sneeze, cough! Like WTF!!!! Was struggling to breastfeed, no sleep, very hungry, no shower, endless changing of nappies, baby crying nonstop. OMG!!! I felt so helpless. I thought I was losing my mind! I was crying every single time. I was unhappy, I was so sad and tired every single day that there were times I was asking myself if I was a bad mother. I would cry and cry without any reason. I would cry while breastfeeding the baby or putting her to sleep, I would even cry while eating. Geez, PPD just got real!
This went on for 2 months. I didn’t think I will get used to being sleep-deprived, or with my very sore and cracked nipples, the smell of poop and vomit on my clothes and hair, not having a decent shower for days, expressing milk every 3-4 hours. Motherhood had taken its toll on me. The exhaustion was overwhelming and I was on the verge of insanity. Yes, I was going cray-cray!!!
But as days went by, things got better and I started to enjoy my little one. There is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel! Whew! I become more engaging, feeding time becomes more enjoyable, I find delight bonding with the baby. I stop doubting myself as a mother. I know i am not a perfect mom, but I always try to be a good one. I know my daughter will forgive me for yelling at her because she won’t stop crying in the middle of the night – sorry darling, it wasn’t your fault, it was the fatigue talking (or yelling). But this doesn’t mean I love my baby any less. Yes I did have moments that I want to give up and say “F*ck it, I am tired and I will sleep!” And I admit I still do have that moments once in a while. I still daydream about shower, food, and sleep. I still miss my “me-time” as the only me-time I do enjoy these days are the times when I take number two (sorry TMI haha).
Being a mother now, I realized that it IS indeed a lot of work. Your job as a mother never stops. It is a 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days full time job. I now understand the mothers who went through or are going through this baby blues or PPD. It is real, alarming and it is happening to almost 80% of all new moms. I’ve even read stories where mothers hurt themselves or their own child. Fortunately that didn’t happen to me. I went through that unhappy phase but my love for my baby is more than enough for me to fight it. Plus it is important to have a strong support group like your husband, partner, family, and friends. Talk to them if you need to. Let them know how you feel so they can help you to get through it. PPD is more serious, so if you think you are experiencing it and cannot handle yourself, please seek professional help. Don’t feel ashamed reaching out. Motherhood will drain you out – physically, emotionally and mentally. You will need all the help you can get, trust me.